As the great Maya Angelou once said, “If you can’t change it, change your attitude.”
I’ve been really hard on myself lately. Whether it’s trying to write a blog post, painting something, or even cleaning the house, nothing ever seems to satisfy me.
And instead of working on improving the faults in my skills, I end up telling myself that I’m not good enough.
It’s almost as if I have an angel and a demon on both of my shoulders all of the time, like in cartoons, but they’re duking it out in my head.
In short, my mental health has been kicking my ass lately.
Trying to navigate the writing world has made me feel undeserving, even though I know I have the skills to do so. But instead of pushing through, I binged Youtube videos as a terrible form of therapy.
I found myself searching through dozens of articles with get rich quick schemes, and even trying to emulate other successful blogs, but that’s just not reality, baby.
Basically, I need to start being kinder to myself and let time do its thing. The only way you can improve your writing is, you guessed it, to write. There’s not a formula to improve your writing immediately. It takes a lot of trial and error to figure out how you write and what you enjoy writing about.
Looking back on it, I now realize how much I romanticized the idea of blogging. I thought this was going to be a walk in the park. I love writing about things that I like, so how hard could this be?
Now, I realize any form of writing is tough, whether it’s a college essay or an article about different brands of dog food. It all takes time and momentum.
I think I’ve finally had one too many terrible phone interviews to finally gain the momentum to write every day, and be proud of what I wrote. Whether it’s a blog post, a short story, or a few sentences about my dogs, I just want to write like it’s the last time I’ll ever write again.
For the past few days, I haven’t been able to write anything. Every idea of mine was thrown into the trash. The idea was there, but the execution fell way flat.
As a writer, you have to learn to adapt. Before this blog, all I ever wrote were school essays and a short story or poem here and there. So trying to find my own voice as a writer has been quite the journey for me.
I was so used to having a certain writing format that I lost my own writing voice. To be honest, I think most, if not all, writers go through this process. And boy, is it painful.
Finding your voice as a writer also means finding out who you are, such as what you like, what you don’t like, etc. Sometimes that can be a grueling process.
Becoming more conscious of yourself can be a scary and vulnerable thing, but the outcome is well worth it. Granted, I’m still trucking along on this self-discover journey, but I’m learning to love the process.
Change doesn’t happen over night (oh, how I wish it did), and I’m starting to become okay with that. I always thought I was somehow going to become an overnight writing success, but like everything else, it takes time to grow.
Practice makes perfect, so I’ll keep on writing until my hands give out. Some days are harder than others, but there’s always tomorrow.
One day, I hope I can look back at this post and say that I’ve made myself proud. It’s all about putting that shit out into the universe!
Here’s to being kind to yourself and pushing through even the toughest of times.